My Hair, My Confidence, My Esteem

Who knew that hair matters so much in society? The transformation that can take place from a simple hair alteration is amazing. Since making my decision to go natural I have experienced a new attitude about how I feel about myself. I never felt so Gorgeous in my life; so comfortable in my own skin, so open minded and accepting of myself. I am Happier and more in love with who I am because of my hair. Even when society looks at me wierd and members of my own family can not relate I feel like this is the birth of me loving me and me saying "HEY YOU CAN TAKE ME AS I AM OR YOU CAN SPEAK TO MY FRO!". I have finally came into my own and have decide that the person I am going to be is beautiful inside and out. My limitations are only morally or spirtually based and nothing is Impossible. My hair has increased my confidence while in the world and my esteem when i face myself.

In the 21 days that I fasted to my Lord, he has truly proven to me that he is my Jehovah Jirieh. All of my needs have been fulfilled not only am I on my own in my own place, I am also in school, I have a car and a computer and all my desires are met and I don't have any fears in life. Not even the fear of being alone because I may at times feel lonely but I am never alone his presences engulfs me in love and protection. I don't know why I ever desired a drug dealer when my GOD provides abundantly and every thing that is mines is truly mines. It is amazing to have a provider that fulfills all my needs and wants. It is true that we ask not because we have not. Once I asked and believe my requests where met. I am so grateful to God it makes me feel like I don't serve him enough and need to give him more. The true journey begins when I begin to show GOD that i love him and live to serve him. He has been so amazing to me and in the midst of my troubles he has been a provider, master, and friend. The only thing that I fear is to live a life without him in it. Live a life without knowing him. That is the only thing that will ruin this life I live. It is nice to know and hear from God.

The Big Chop

Ten pm and I say just cut all the perm out of it.... No wait ugh all my hair is gone.... OMG i'm bald head

Finally I am liberated. After years of debating and a few melt downs my "natural" Hair. For the first time In life I'm short haired and no chemicals. I'm terrified for this Journey but I am also ready. My beauty will not be defined by my hair but by who i am and how I shine from within eventhough I am still just as Beautiful as before. I am terrrified ABOUT OTHERS REACTION but finally I am doing things for me!!!! I guess I'm back to my Nappy no CURLY roots. I love it. I love me so world take me as I am or have nothing at all.

My Weekend

My weekend was great. I took my little sister to see Remember Me it was an amazing movie please go see it. I keep doing things that backfire on me so I decided I'm going to change not my desires, but my actions and focus. Man It's so amazing how Good God is to the least of us because I'm not worthy yet and still he blesses me have mercy on me and bears with my dingy self. Being heartbroken and love sick is OK and doesn't feel like the end when you serve who I serve it feels like I have to stick around to get the better he has in store for me. It's amazing when you think you have the best and God takes your best with a smile (while you feeling deserted) and he plants something better. But I can go on and on about this but instead I'll leave you with...

DAY 9 T D JAKE'S HOPE FOR EVERY MOMENT

I am God, and there is none like Me, declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, MY COUNSEL shall stand, and I will do all My Pleasure.
Isaiah 46:9b-10

I can't live my life knowing what will happen but I can refuse to die until some things come to pass. In my chase with destiny although I can't see the finish line and it's not clear to me who is standing waiting and cheering for me at the end I'll never stop running until I do. God has already said "she's mines" and adversities will pass but joy remains as long as endurance on my part and strength from the lord abides in my blood.

T.D. Jakes 365 Hope For Every Moment Day 5

... unto obedience and sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ: grace unto you, and peace, be multiplied.
1 Peter 1:26
We did not need the blood only for when we cried out to the lord t come into our hearts by faith. On the contrary, we still need that same blood today. All our strength and nourishment and every promise and miracle must flow to us through the blood. It give us life from day to day!

WE have lost our teachings of the blood in this age of Pentecostalism. We have learned about the Spirit of God, but we failed to teach about the blood. Consequently, we have produced a generation of believers who are empowered by the Spirit but do not feel forgiven! They are operating in the gifts, but living in guilt!

The blood must be preached. Without it we have no life. Why are we wasting the power of God on the problems of our past? The blood has already totally destroyed past bondages that held us down! It was through the eternal bondages that held us down! It was through the eternal Spirit of God that Jesus was able to offer up His blood. There can be no Pentecost where the is no Passover!

The Things We Endure to Feel Love

On my Journey a very good friend told me that I was being a stupid black girl. I was not offended in any kind of way but enlightened beyond belief. Now I'm happy to say, I finally found the strength to walk away. GOD could not have CREATED a better day. To let go of what I know in hopes for something new. To find trust In grace and RID MYSLEF OF lies so I can now live in truth. I will not go on and on with what will change in time BUT i just will say thank you lord because this decision was not all mines.

This is who I Love, WHY???

Today was a beautiful day in sunny,earth. The weather was perfect and it just felt so right. The perfect day to spend time with GOD but like always I fail to give him enough of me so I suffer. Donny rang my phone off the hook with words of compliments but His job calls him to be busy so he could give me no time & when he is available I never really am interested in wasting his only free time. Monroe mental disorder showed up today so I had to give him space. BUT Horhay remains on my mind so I break my fast and call Horhay because i see something that sparks jealousy. We talk like things are fine and then so suddenly he ruins my entire night. I ask him can I come see him, he says "sure call before you come" and I do only to end up running into drama.
Story of my love life. On the way there as I am calling saying I'm on the way he says OK I'll call you back I'm like "no I'm literally around the corner" he hangs up just in time for me to break down at a gas station as I'm calling him stuck and stranded in the dark he turns his phone off and I call his house phone just to learn he is not home. I think to myself this is who i love, why? My faithful god who told me to wait on him and i don't but he keeps a ram in the bush for when i don't listen anyhow. Case and Point, then a complete stranger comes up to me and gives me gas money and wipes my tears away. I'm calling Horhay completely hurt to realize he turned his phone off and in the middle of the night he text me the BS words:I'm sorry, I'm totally sorry and apologize 4 wat damage i have dun 2nite... Ur right absolutely rite... I love u, I love you. I know love is selfless so i can't help but think that he is lying no way love and selfish motives and thoughts abide in the same place. I wish I could hate him but God tells us to bless those who curse us and love them just the same. I know the bible talks about fools but it does not teach us to be a fool. I love Horhay but he only LOVED me. Weeping I endure tonight to find joy waiting in the morning.