Random

The funny thing about life is... we must live before we can die. As alive humans the most important thing that sets us apart from the dead humans is the essence of being, the rapture of emotions, and intense senses we are made urgently aware of. The suffering we endure COUNT IT ALL JOY, the love we lost COUNT IT ALL JOY, and feeling of fear and depression that satisfies are hunger for death is what really makes us alive MOSTLY COUNT THIS JOY. Take each thought in your mind, movement in your heart and gut feeling as a beautiful thing because this life that we gracefully endure the dead remorsefully hunger to feel just once more. We must not take it for granted or allow others to use our lives as there instruments of evil. This life giving to you was a good thing; become GOD's instrument and let him use you as he may. Ride thee emotional ups and downs because without them we are dead and most importantly unable to laugh about life.

Read into this

SO walking in the mall today only to be distracted by a Walden's Book Store... I fell in love with 10 books that I just had to have and they were only a dollar each and for every four books you buy you get the 5th book free. HOW COOL IS THAT? Just a short list of the ten i choose:
1.)Hiding in Hip Hop-Terrance Dean
2.)The Collaborative Habit 'Life Lessons for Working Together"-Twyla Tharp with Kornbluth
3.)Hold Love Strong-Matthew Aaron Goodman
4.)Thelonious Monk-Robin D. G. Kelly
5.)Dead Above Ground-Jervey Tervalon
6.)Tarnished Beauty-Cecilia Samartian
7.)lETTERS TO YOUNG MAN-HILL HARPER
8.)In the Midnight Heat-Blair Underwood
9.)Through the Wire-Kanye West (IDK Y)
10.)32 Third Graders One Class Bunny-Phillip Dave
So I just got ten books for $8.56 and I'm so excited about each one. I can't wait to read them!!!! I had a book-gasm and also realized why I don't have many friends.

Just the Truth

I cry in the shower so the tears blend in with the water falling down

I walk in traps I set up myself

I love someone who doesn't feel the same way as I do

Sometimes it hurts

I am not a good friend

I don't have many friends

I am mostly happy

I have sex to feel love just to end up losing pieces of me

I was once addicted to sex

I have had sex with people just so they would leave me alone

I really prefer relationship and not sex

I like what I see when I look in the mirror

My mind never stops

I desire a relationship with God but I am so afraid to disappoint him that I don't pursue it

I really do care but fear getting hurt so I force myself to not care

I love my siblings more than they know

I want to be loved more than I give love

I refuse to quit

I am Narrcissistic and dettached

I am not as crazy as they think

My Hair, My Confidence, My Esteem

Who knew that hair matters so much in society? The transformation that can take place from a simple hair alteration is amazing. Since making my decision to go natural I have experienced a new attitude about how I feel about myself. I never felt so Gorgeous in my life; so comfortable in my own skin, so open minded and accepting of myself. I am Happier and more in love with who I am because of my hair. Even when society looks at me wierd and members of my own family can not relate I feel like this is the birth of me loving me and me saying "HEY YOU CAN TAKE ME AS I AM OR YOU CAN SPEAK TO MY FRO!". I have finally came into my own and have decide that the person I am going to be is beautiful inside and out. My limitations are only morally or spirtually based and nothing is Impossible. My hair has increased my confidence while in the world and my esteem when i face myself.

In the 21 days that I fasted to my Lord, he has truly proven to me that he is my Jehovah Jirieh. All of my needs have been fulfilled not only am I on my own in my own place, I am also in school, I have a car and a computer and all my desires are met and I don't have any fears in life. Not even the fear of being alone because I may at times feel lonely but I am never alone his presences engulfs me in love and protection. I don't know why I ever desired a drug dealer when my GOD provides abundantly and every thing that is mines is truly mines. It is amazing to have a provider that fulfills all my needs and wants. It is true that we ask not because we have not. Once I asked and believe my requests where met. I am so grateful to God it makes me feel like I don't serve him enough and need to give him more. The true journey begins when I begin to show GOD that i love him and live to serve him. He has been so amazing to me and in the midst of my troubles he has been a provider, master, and friend. The only thing that I fear is to live a life without him in it. Live a life without knowing him. That is the only thing that will ruin this life I live. It is nice to know and hear from God.

The Big Chop

Ten pm and I say just cut all the perm out of it.... No wait ugh all my hair is gone.... OMG i'm bald head

Finally I am liberated. After years of debating and a few melt downs my "natural" Hair. For the first time In life I'm short haired and no chemicals. I'm terrified for this Journey but I am also ready. My beauty will not be defined by my hair but by who i am and how I shine from within eventhough I am still just as Beautiful as before. I am terrrified ABOUT OTHERS REACTION but finally I am doing things for me!!!! I guess I'm back to my Nappy no CURLY roots. I love it. I love me so world take me as I am or have nothing at all.