Let The Vision Come From What God Has Taken You Through - Bishop T.D. Jakes

A toast to something new!!!

I was just complaining about life and GOD not hearing me when I received the news I been waiting on… I got accepted into Barry University and GOD IS AWESOME>>> AND HE IS NOT IGNORING ME!!!! So lets toast to something new, something better, something worth it!!!

Can I open my eyes yet???

For some odd reason my life is utterly ridiculous right now. Things are not panning out the way they should and honestly it would feel so much easier to give up. Life is not my friend, my car caught a fire, I had technical difficulties with my apartment and was forced to move home, my new job pay rate sucks, I owe my school $400 to pay for classes, my grades are not as great as usually, and to make it all worst I don’t have that love that makes all my bad worth while. I pray, pray, pray and it seems as if God, who I know can hear me, may be ignoring me. I hate to sound so hasty but this is how I feel. I am a little girl with my eyes tightly closed waiting on the bad movie scene to change asking a trusted adult “CAN I OPEN MY EYES YET?” I’m telling myself it’s ok it always gets better just be optimistic about it at least you have a job, a place to live, and you can always ask for a ride but I’ve always been a loner so my life hurts because I have to rely on others for help. God what are you trying to teach me this season? Can I learn this lesson efficiently so I never have to review this lesson again??? Can i open my eyes now?

Decisions

Today I choose to walk away. I walked away from my job. I don't know how I will make it but my job I just couldn't take it. If something doesn't happen fast I don't know what I will do but I will walk by faith and not by sight. I'm afraid but I don't fear anything. I'm ready for whats next GOD order my steps.

Random

The funny thing about life is... we must live before we can die. As alive humans the most important thing that sets us apart from the dead humans is the essence of being, the rapture of emotions, and intense senses we are made urgently aware of. The suffering we endure COUNT IT ALL JOY, the love we lost COUNT IT ALL JOY, and feeling of fear and depression that satisfies are hunger for death is what really makes us alive MOSTLY COUNT THIS JOY. Take each thought in your mind, movement in your heart and gut feeling as a beautiful thing because this life that we gracefully endure the dead remorsefully hunger to feel just once more. We must not take it for granted or allow others to use our lives as there instruments of evil. This life giving to you was a good thing; become GOD's instrument and let him use you as he may. Ride thee emotional ups and downs because without them we are dead and most importantly unable to laugh about life.

Read into this

SO walking in the mall today only to be distracted by a Walden's Book Store... I fell in love with 10 books that I just had to have and they were only a dollar each and for every four books you buy you get the 5th book free. HOW COOL IS THAT? Just a short list of the ten i choose:
1.)Hiding in Hip Hop-Terrance Dean
2.)The Collaborative Habit 'Life Lessons for Working Together"-Twyla Tharp with Kornbluth
3.)Hold Love Strong-Matthew Aaron Goodman
4.)Thelonious Monk-Robin D. G. Kelly
5.)Dead Above Ground-Jervey Tervalon
6.)Tarnished Beauty-Cecilia Samartian
7.)lETTERS TO YOUNG MAN-HILL HARPER
8.)In the Midnight Heat-Blair Underwood
9.)Through the Wire-Kanye West (IDK Y)
10.)32 Third Graders One Class Bunny-Phillip Dave
So I just got ten books for $8.56 and I'm so excited about each one. I can't wait to read them!!!! I had a book-gasm and also realized why I don't have many friends.

Just the Truth

I cry in the shower so the tears blend in with the water falling down

I walk in traps I set up myself

I love someone who doesn't feel the same way as I do

Sometimes it hurts

I am not a good friend

I don't have many friends

I am mostly happy

I have sex to feel love just to end up losing pieces of me

I was once addicted to sex

I have had sex with people just so they would leave me alone

I really prefer relationship and not sex

I like what I see when I look in the mirror

My mind never stops

I desire a relationship with God but I am so afraid to disappoint him that I don't pursue it

I really do care but fear getting hurt so I force myself to not care

I love my siblings more than they know

I want to be loved more than I give love

I refuse to quit

I am Narrcissistic and dettached

I am not as crazy as they think

My Hair, My Confidence, My Esteem

Who knew that hair matters so much in society? The transformation that can take place from a simple hair alteration is amazing. Since making my decision to go natural I have experienced a new attitude about how I feel about myself. I never felt so Gorgeous in my life; so comfortable in my own skin, so open minded and accepting of myself. I am Happier and more in love with who I am because of my hair. Even when society looks at me wierd and members of my own family can not relate I feel like this is the birth of me loving me and me saying "HEY YOU CAN TAKE ME AS I AM OR YOU CAN SPEAK TO MY FRO!". I have finally came into my own and have decide that the person I am going to be is beautiful inside and out. My limitations are only morally or spirtually based and nothing is Impossible. My hair has increased my confidence while in the world and my esteem when i face myself.

In the 21 days that I fasted to my Lord, he has truly proven to me that he is my Jehovah Jirieh. All of my needs have been fulfilled not only am I on my own in my own place, I am also in school, I have a car and a computer and all my desires are met and I don't have any fears in life. Not even the fear of being alone because I may at times feel lonely but I am never alone his presences engulfs me in love and protection. I don't know why I ever desired a drug dealer when my GOD provides abundantly and every thing that is mines is truly mines. It is amazing to have a provider that fulfills all my needs and wants. It is true that we ask not because we have not. Once I asked and believe my requests where met. I am so grateful to God it makes me feel like I don't serve him enough and need to give him more. The true journey begins when I begin to show GOD that i love him and live to serve him. He has been so amazing to me and in the midst of my troubles he has been a provider, master, and friend. The only thing that I fear is to live a life without him in it. Live a life without knowing him. That is the only thing that will ruin this life I live. It is nice to know and hear from God.

The Big Chop

Ten pm and I say just cut all the perm out of it.... No wait ugh all my hair is gone.... OMG i'm bald head

Finally I am liberated. After years of debating and a few melt downs my "natural" Hair. For the first time In life I'm short haired and no chemicals. I'm terrified for this Journey but I am also ready. My beauty will not be defined by my hair but by who i am and how I shine from within eventhough I am still just as Beautiful as before. I am terrrified ABOUT OTHERS REACTION but finally I am doing things for me!!!! I guess I'm back to my Nappy no CURLY roots. I love it. I love me so world take me as I am or have nothing at all.

My Weekend

My weekend was great. I took my little sister to see Remember Me it was an amazing movie please go see it. I keep doing things that backfire on me so I decided I'm going to change not my desires, but my actions and focus. Man It's so amazing how Good God is to the least of us because I'm not worthy yet and still he blesses me have mercy on me and bears with my dingy self. Being heartbroken and love sick is OK and doesn't feel like the end when you serve who I serve it feels like I have to stick around to get the better he has in store for me. It's amazing when you think you have the best and God takes your best with a smile (while you feeling deserted) and he plants something better. But I can go on and on about this but instead I'll leave you with...

DAY 9 T D JAKE'S HOPE FOR EVERY MOMENT

I am God, and there is none like Me, declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, MY COUNSEL shall stand, and I will do all My Pleasure.
Isaiah 46:9b-10

I can't live my life knowing what will happen but I can refuse to die until some things come to pass. In my chase with destiny although I can't see the finish line and it's not clear to me who is standing waiting and cheering for me at the end I'll never stop running until I do. God has already said "she's mines" and adversities will pass but joy remains as long as endurance on my part and strength from the lord abides in my blood.

T.D. Jakes 365 Hope For Every Moment Day 5

... unto obedience and sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ: grace unto you, and peace, be multiplied.
1 Peter 1:26
We did not need the blood only for when we cried out to the lord t come into our hearts by faith. On the contrary, we still need that same blood today. All our strength and nourishment and every promise and miracle must flow to us through the blood. It give us life from day to day!

WE have lost our teachings of the blood in this age of Pentecostalism. We have learned about the Spirit of God, but we failed to teach about the blood. Consequently, we have produced a generation of believers who are empowered by the Spirit but do not feel forgiven! They are operating in the gifts, but living in guilt!

The blood must be preached. Without it we have no life. Why are we wasting the power of God on the problems of our past? The blood has already totally destroyed past bondages that held us down! It was through the eternal bondages that held us down! It was through the eternal Spirit of God that Jesus was able to offer up His blood. There can be no Pentecost where the is no Passover!

The Things We Endure to Feel Love

On my Journey a very good friend told me that I was being a stupid black girl. I was not offended in any kind of way but enlightened beyond belief. Now I'm happy to say, I finally found the strength to walk away. GOD could not have CREATED a better day. To let go of what I know in hopes for something new. To find trust In grace and RID MYSLEF OF lies so I can now live in truth. I will not go on and on with what will change in time BUT i just will say thank you lord because this decision was not all mines.

This is who I Love, WHY???

Today was a beautiful day in sunny,earth. The weather was perfect and it just felt so right. The perfect day to spend time with GOD but like always I fail to give him enough of me so I suffer. Donny rang my phone off the hook with words of compliments but His job calls him to be busy so he could give me no time & when he is available I never really am interested in wasting his only free time. Monroe mental disorder showed up today so I had to give him space. BUT Horhay remains on my mind so I break my fast and call Horhay because i see something that sparks jealousy. We talk like things are fine and then so suddenly he ruins my entire night. I ask him can I come see him, he says "sure call before you come" and I do only to end up running into drama.
Story of my love life. On the way there as I am calling saying I'm on the way he says OK I'll call you back I'm like "no I'm literally around the corner" he hangs up just in time for me to break down at a gas station as I'm calling him stuck and stranded in the dark he turns his phone off and I call his house phone just to learn he is not home. I think to myself this is who i love, why? My faithful god who told me to wait on him and i don't but he keeps a ram in the bush for when i don't listen anyhow. Case and Point, then a complete stranger comes up to me and gives me gas money and wipes my tears away. I'm calling Horhay completely hurt to realize he turned his phone off and in the middle of the night he text me the BS words:I'm sorry, I'm totally sorry and apologize 4 wat damage i have dun 2nite... Ur right absolutely rite... I love u, I love you. I know love is selfless so i can't help but think that he is lying no way love and selfish motives and thoughts abide in the same place. I wish I could hate him but God tells us to bless those who curse us and love them just the same. I know the bible talks about fools but it does not teach us to be a fool. I love Horhay but he only LOVED me. Weeping I endure tonight to find joy waiting in the morning.

OK so I'm like DON'T EFFING CONTACT ME I'LL CONTACT YOU

"3 1/2 years and we playing these childish games once more. Don't get me wrong I messed up once but if you love me you'll for give me and get over it. Gosh this emotional rollercoaster is ridiculous should I stay or go? I know I love you but am I in love with you???? I I I I I why not just be with I instead of me the Lisa who loved you enough hemrrhoid boy to stick my mancured nails up your ass to apply ointment to your oversized hemorrhoids. "
"Lisa why you tripping? I'm just not sure what I want to do"
"Screw you Horhay Don't contact me anymore I'll contact you"
"What???"
"Don't effeing contact me I'll Contact you" and I hung up feeling so powerful

Well for starters my name is Lisa. If you want fairytale storys IDK what to tell you because my bloggs are strictly reality mixed with my feelings. I will spare no details not even the things that most people are to embarrassed to tell or talk about. Horhay is my on again off again lover for the past years. We are usually on but lately aka since i cheated he hasn't been the Horhay i fell in love with but yet and still I love him. Then I have my new to "associates" who are starting to grow on me Donny and Monroe. I so like Monroe but he dropped a big bomb on me he has mental health issues but I still like him so much although i'll probably go back to Horhay in a heartbeat. Oh when life unfolds you find a lot of shitty pampers and sticky situations that you just have to trust god to get you out of. Yes i text talk and i cuss and use god in the same sentence but he knows i love and trust him for everything. I pretty much a mess. A pretty young lady as lost as a possum, as dingy as a blond who dies her hair blonde with an e thinking it's a different color, as smart as scholar, witty, sacastic and plan clueless. Comment, Judge, Critique, give advice, just help it's all constructive!!!